Artificial Weirdness Generator

This program takes a large text file, analyses it, and spits out a hilarious/grotesque/just-plain-stupid parody of it. Note that whenever I write 'large text file' I mean something larger than a page of text, but not more than about 20K for the 4 Meg version of the program (10k for the 1 Meg version). The text file should be something like a letter, academic paper, story, or list of instructions.